Miss Ellen 'E'
Bear


Enough Is Enough!

Act Now To Preserve Our Honour!

Were the insults in 2007 not sufficient cause for complaint? Did we not endure endless jokes at our expense when a stuffed-toy representation of our noble species was the itself the object of ridicule throughout the world of educated Humans? (1|2) Have we not suffered at the hands of those who would benefit from our discomfiture by making even more toys adorned with the name of ‘he who must not be depicted or ridiculed for fear of death threats’? (3) Is he cute? Well, yes, but that’s hardly the point! And without wishing to upset our Arctic cousins, why is there only a white version?

As if that incident were not adequate cause for outrage, we now discover that once again we are being held up as a symbol of mockery, where rather than using a readily-available example of our species that exists in the country originating this latest offence (if that much over-used word is suitable for Humans to exploit whenever they find it expedient, then surely we as the true victims can appropriate it?), they use a caricature figure that is present in this celebratory episode of “South Park”. Then, to add insult to injury, the figure is later revealed to be another Human in costume! There is of course a nice irony in selecting a secondary figure whose existence is used to indoctrinate Human children into belief in something which doesn’t exist, but this would be lost of most of the audience in Teeveeland.

The Human who was once named Zach Cheese but now travels under a moniker of what sounds to our ursine senses like Boo-hoo ah-Hah Cry-baby has issued a statement of intimidation which as true bears we treat with the contempt it deserves (4), but in response we have this warning to present to him and all those who ‘think’ in a similar manner: if you come down to the woods today, you will be in for a big surprise, and we shall continue to enjoy our picnics. Yes, we do crap in the woods too (is the Pope a Catholic?), but unlike all the plastic boxes and trays and cups and so-called ‘food’ you humans leave behind when you drive off in your petrol-guzzlers, ours degrades nicely and helps the forest grow. What have you done to aid the environment today, hmm?

Issued on behalf of the CFRPBHM (Campaign for the Fair and Realistic Presentation of Bears in the Human Media)


MISS ELLEN ‘E’HOME